-- in that I really need one, ASAP.
All weekend my thoughts have centered on
me, on a sort of struggle for
my time and
my space against all other members of this household, dogs included.
When will the baby let me drink my coffee in peace? Why is the toddler always in the kitchen? When will I finally be allowed to watch that TV show? While I did my job (with lots of help from my husband), I wasn't "doing small things with great love"; rather, I was busy "getting small things out of the way to make room for
me." And when that room didn't magically appear, I chose to become resentful and sullen.
As a result, I've begun the week on the wrong foot and the wrong side of the bed. As this morning wore on I heard That Tone creeping into my voice; and upon smelling That Smell just before naptime-- right when I thought I was home free-- I actually exclaimed to my toddler, "
What?! You pooped
again?! How is that even
possible??" (She laughed, thankfully... But in the future she may take to heart this sort of accusation.)
Hopefully I can still manage to turn the day/week around... Although nearly two years ago I'd allowed the arrival of our first daughter to completely derail my daily prayer, last week
this post at The Happy, Resourceful Home motivated me to begin again, just in a small way: a decade or two of the Rosary said here and there, most often as I rock the baby to sleep. Maybe it will help to pull me through today; and maybe a nap will, too... However it's achieved, though, my focus does need to shift away from "getting what I want" and toward the process, the day's rhythm as a source of grace. (Yes, yes, I've been reading
Holly Pierlot!) Otherwise, I'll only keep clawing at members of my family, as I did all weekend-- and how pleasant was that?
