...And for readers unfamiliar with the (domestic infant) adoption procress, I'll explain: These adoptive moms (dads, too!) have relinquished control. Initially, they wait for a phone call-- and it could come at any time-- that will connect them with a birthmom-to-be and her baby, due six months from now; seven days from now; or perhaps already born. Who can predict? This birthmother will either choose them, or choose someone else, to parent her child. Who (besides the birthmom, of course) can explain her reasons? ...Afterward, the adoptive parents wait to hear that the birthmother has checked into the hospital. Perhaps she'll invite them to be present at her baby's birth; and perhaps not. Perhaps she'll want to spend some time in the hospital with her new baby. Perhaps she'll let the adoptive parents visit.
They wait, conscious that until the last moment-- and the "last moment" varies from state to state-- the birthmom can always change her mind and decide to parent, as is her right. This happens.
It's risky, emotionally risky, to prepare when the outcome is so uncertain. I've heard of adoptive moms-to-be having baby showers, decorating nurseries, buying strollers and clothing; but I myself was not one of these moms. The thought of returning home, childless, to the sight of an empty crib was gut-wrenching.
That said, it's tough to sit still amid so much anxiety, too, so-- for adoptive moms-to-be who would like to do something, anything, to get ready (anything that doesn't scream "baby"), here is a list of what I wish I'd done beforehand:
Ways to Prepare for a Baby without "Preparing for a Baby"
Declutter and organize-- big time. If, like me, you don't have a handle on your own belongings, how can you possibly absorb the vast amounts of baby-related stuff that you'll accumulate after your child comes home? I wish I'd mercilessly sorted through my closet, our basement, our kitchen cabinets, etc., so that at least these areas would be under control and ready to admit new items. As it is, I'm constantly fighting overflow... Don't be like me.
Prepare freezer meals. Many moms of my acquaintance stock their freezers during the last months of pregnancy, and the idea also makes sense when you're hoping to adopt. After all, you never know when you'll need to coast in the kitchen for a couple of weeks! ...And while you're at it, buy a slow cooker. Pre-parenthood, I never thought of using one (why bother, when a Dutch oven performs so much better?), but nowadays I'm slow-cooker dependent.
Arrange small comforts for yourself, such as warm pajamas (essential when baby wakes in the depth of a winter's night), fleecy clothes for stay-at-home days, your favorite tea, a scented candle. Download audiobooks and music; corral your favorite books in an accessible place (so as not to waste those precious naptime minutes). Whatever happens next, you'll need-- and deserve-- some effortless pampering.
Collect laundry baskets. This sounds (and is) so trivial, but-- honestly, where's an empty one when I need it? Babies add laundry and subtract from the time available to fold and put it away, so that my original set of two laundry baskets quickly expanded to four and five. And I wish I had more. Why? They're so useful for transporting items up and down stairs; organizing toys; and I don't know what else.
Can you think of other ways to "prepare without preparing"? If so, please add them to the comment box!
Adoptive moms-to-be, I hope that this post finds you hopeful and smiling! The wait can be difficult; and of course, because you want very much to be selfless, your mind will rush to qualify and deny the difficulty, but-- yes, this has been (as they say) a rollercoaster, hasn't it? I wish you luck; I wish you peace; and I wish that I could give you a big hug, too. Hang in there!
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