-- in that I really need one, ASAP.
All weekend my thoughts have centered on me, on a sort of struggle for my time and my space against all other members of this household, dogs included. When will the baby let me drink my coffee in peace? Why is the toddler always in the kitchen? When will I finally be allowed to watch that TV show? While I did my job (with lots of help from my husband), I wasn't "doing small things with great love"; rather, I was busy "getting small things out of the way to make room for me." And when that room didn't magically appear, I chose to become resentful and sullen.
As a result, I've begun the week on the wrong foot and the wrong side of the bed. As this morning wore on I heard That Tone creeping into my voice; and upon smelling That Smell just before naptime-- right when I thought I was home free-- I actually exclaimed to my toddler, "What?! You pooped again?! How is that even possible??" (She laughed, thankfully... But in the future she may take to heart this sort of accusation.)
Hopefully I can still manage to turn the day/week around... Although nearly two years ago I'd allowed the arrival of our first daughter to completely derail my daily prayer, last week this post at The Happy, Resourceful Home motivated me to begin again, just in a small way: a decade or two of the Rosary said here and there, most often as I rock the baby to sleep. Maybe it will help to pull me through today; and maybe a nap will, too... However it's achieved, though, my focus does need to shift away from "getting what I want" and toward the process, the day's rhythm as a source of grace. (Yes, yes, I've been reading Holly Pierlot!) Otherwise, I'll only keep clawing at members of my family, as I did all weekend-- and how pleasant was that?
You sound like a wonderful person doing all these jobs around the house. There's nothing wrong in wanting some "Me" time every now and then. As for praying ... remember, every little job you do is itself a prayer. Even cleaning poop. It shows God how much you love and care for your little ones; and that makes Him smile.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your family.
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Victor! It brought tears to my eyes... I'm feeling much better today. God bless you, too!
DeleteThanks for your post. Contrary to what everyone else tells us, "me" time isn't really good for us. I suffer from the same malaise, with a 1-year old and a 3-year old, and working on my dissertation. Funny thing is, over time, God is teaching me the opposite -- my favorite things used to be time to myself, a walk by myself, Mass without kids distracting me, etc. Now I can't enjoy even a walk if my kids aren't with me!!
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous~ Thank you for visiting and commenting! Since I'm a disorganized procrastinator who barely managed to crank out her dissertation before children arrived, I'm in awe of your self-motivation and organizational skills. If you ever have the opportunity, will you leave me some tips on time management? For example, at what time(s) of day do you do your writing? ... I'm so glad to hear that God is giving you the grace that you need, as this offers me hope, too. Wishing you the best in this busy time of life!!
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